Predicting, Identifying & Preventing
Stalkers & Stalking

A Brief Synopsis Of The SEPS Approach to Stalkers & Stalking

Many victims of stalking, fail to identify that they are being targeted by a stalking campaign. One of the reasons for this, is that they think they are taking themselves too seriously (or risk others thinking that they are), as the only people who have stalkers, are celebrities and people of note. However, most stalkers are ex-intimate partners, not infatuated and obsessed strangers, who are unable to come to terms or accept that the relationship has ended. Whilst the campaign may have the initial goal of trying to get the partner back, it may change over time to become a set of continued actions and behaviors that start to fuel themselves – like a barking dog, who forgets why their barking, but doesn’t know how to stop.

Stalking (in some US States referred to as “Harassment”), is a criminal activity that is defined by the victim, and not by the stalker’s activities and behaviors e.g. an ex-partner could continuously send emails, over an extended period of time, send you flowers and other gifts etc. and none of these things might make you feel afraid, however to another person in a similar situation, all of these activities may cause them to feel scared and uneasy. What makes a stalking campaign a stalking campaign, is how it makes you feel; if an individual’s continued interest in you, and their interactions with you, cause you to feel uncomfortable, and experience emotional distress (and it is obvious that this is their goal), then you are the target of a stalking campaign.

Stalkers want a relationship with their victims, but it is a relationship on their terms. Their aim is to be the person who dictates and controls how the relationship is managed. Their behaviors and actions are intended to get a response – whether that is you contacting them, asking them to stop, or agreeing to meet with them to talk things over etc. and in many cases, they are successful in achieving these things, because their victims are psychologically and emotionally exhausted by the continuous emails, phone calls, texts etc. that the stalker makes. Stalker’s want to have power over you and control your life, so that you are perpetually thinking about them e.g. if you receive a hundred texts a day from them, you will soon come to expect every text that you receive is from them, even when it’s not, so every time you receive a text you are thinking about them.

Many people’s default response to a stalking campaign, is to get a restraining order against their stalker. Feeling emotionally overwhelmed, there is a desire to hand the situation over to the legal system and let their apparatus, backed up by law-enforcement to sort the situation out. Unfortunately, restraining orders aren’t silver- bullets, and although they make us feel safer, they don’t actually make us safe, as many stalkers will break them and in some cases escalate their activities – Richard Farley went on a mass shooting spree at Laura Black’s workplace, after she applied to make a temporary restraining order permanent. Rather than go legal as the first response, there are much better and more effective strategies for dealing with stalkers.

If you would like to learn more about stalkers and stalking, and how to effectively deal with a stalking campaign, please click here. If after reading/learning more about stalkers and stalking, you want to learn some physical solutions to dealing with violence, you can attend one of our free women's self-defense classes/seminars by using the button below.